With December looming and then end of 2018 in sight I thought it would be a good time to reflect on the year. You know, before Christmas becomes the main focus along with the New Years parties and all the bad resolutions. Don’t you just love this time of year?
Hitting the big 2-5 this year put some things into perspective. At 23 when I’d recap all that I’d done since high school I’d hear “wow, you’ve done a lot for being so young.” But now? It’s just normal. My friends are surpassing me with their travels, with their jobs and with their lives – several getting married and even having kids this year. And me? Well I don’t think I’ve changed since the last time I lived here.
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I knew going into this year that I had to put a stop to my indecisiveness. If you know me, you’ll know it’s something I seriously struggle with on the daily. You know the meme with the girl never being able to decide on food? That is me – always. Place to eat, plans for Christmas, Netflix series. All of it.
For this reason, I put a mental ban on moving this time before living somewhere for a year. I’m now just about 7 months deep into my move back to Auckland with nearly no regrets. Where does the nearly come from you’re wondering? Well let me tell you – I forgot I had so many bad habits.
I guess when you’re on the move so much you don’t get a chance to pull out your old moves. Mostly because people might think you are crazy from the get-go, or maybe because you’re too busy adjusting, it kind of throws your brain through a loop. Either way, moving back to Auckland gave me enough time to bring out the best (worst) of mine.
One of my personal favourite bad habits that came back was my inability to say no. In absolutely every situation. Always. So for the past two months I think I’ve gone out a minimum of 3 nights a week simply because I don’t know how to say no. I’ve bought too many tickets to concerts/rugby games when I have no idea who was playing. I’ve also over committed myself to the point of exhaustion. And all of this I blame on F.O.M.O, which doesn’t existent when you’re actually overseas having the best time possible.
Another one of my old-school university influenced bad habits is loving the unattainable. I’m a lover of the chase without considering the end goal. I like to plan for things that will never happen, entertain the idea of a guy without ever actually wanting to be in a relationship and making promises I won’t be expected to keep. I know there’s only so many games you can play before shit hits the fan and one day I’ll have to reconsider my moral compass. Maybe even try to bury this bad habit for good. This year though I’ve enjoyed falling back into a rhythm I hadn’t been in for years – enjoying things for what they are, not as expected.
What has 2018 ultimately taught me? I have no idea what I’m meant to be doing. Some bad habits aren’t so bad after all. It’s been really rewarding to loosen my mental “ball and chain” a little bit and enjoy the money I make. To forget about where I probably could have been and trade it in for “so which place should we try for dinner next?”. Or even try new things without worrying about where they’ll finish down the line – which I used to worry a lot.
So I have to say 2018, despite all your fucked up shit (which there was a lot of) I feel like you haven’t been half bad.