Oops, I disappeared again. I had every intention to post more regularly following my return to Auckland but (as you probably noticed) that quickly went out the window. Maybe I was milking every bit of our freedom “just in case”, or maybe I just fell back into my black hole of a social life. Either way, here we are back in lockdown version 3.0 and, I now don’t regret staying out until 5 am on Saturday. Even if the price was a two-day hangover.
Jacquemus La Robe Saudade Dress via Designer Wardrobe
Vehla Sunglasses (Similar Here)
I look back at these photos taken in December with a fondness I relate to an old friend. I was so at peace when I was home. Time spent under the searing sun surrounded by rugged terrain played out to the soundtrack of lapping waters. Nowhere to be, no one to see. A kind of serenity that comes part and parcel with familiarity. The pace is slow and the days feel longer, filled with thoughts that capture your wholehearted attention; since there’s nothing to distract you from them. A peace that comes from knowing yourself, by yourself.
In contrast, my peace in Auckland seems to be about making the most of my time. My stream of consciousness searches for the next thing, the next hit of adrenaline. A meeting to go to, a friend to see, a deadline to hit, a relationship to make. Time moves quicker when there are so many ways to fill it. A kind of mentality that’s similar to travelling. Making the most of every opportunity because there’s so many in this very moment within reach. The thrill that comes with knowing that if you let it pass you by, it might just be gone forever.
As I get older, I think a lot about what type of life would bring me the most peace. I find myself in two minds about it: living a slow ‘settled life’ or a chaotic “work hard, play harder” one. Should I stay here, should I move home? It’s no surprise I’m in the prime age of my friends getting married and having kids, but also and equally, ones that are flying up the career ladder. I’d say I am split between the two, landing somewhere in the no-mans late twenties land where I don’t fall into a category. Blissfully uncommitted to either.
Maybe in the true 2021 spirit, peace for me means not fitting into just one box. Maybe I’m greedy and I want to have every part of it. I want to be able to have the freedom to roam into the early hours of the morning, carelessly. Drunken and disorderly, but happy. Then, following that up with sobering Netflix binges until night falls once again, invested in the newest crime documentary. I want to be lazy and careless with my time, but also thrive on achievements guided by my wildest aspirations. Maybe, just maybe, my peace is hiding somewhere within the balance of having it all.